just somethin i wrote - i think last night... hard to say really... maybe was today.. but i doubt it... anyway - doesn't matter.. it was influenced by external things (music / blah blah blah) vs just emotion... so - yeah... lol...
i'm still in a good mood... :D
yay good moods!!!
*does the 'sorta good mood' dance...*
*notes that it looks a bit like disco in super slow motion...*
lmao...


i'm standin
and sittin
i'm waitin
and pacin
everythin in me
just wants to be free
but nothin inside
will just let it be
and i don't know what
but there's somethin not right
don't yet know why
but it bugs me in spite...
why can't i hear me
and why can't i find
the things that i can't see
that rest in my mind
what the fuck counts
when nothin else matters
and nothin is left
but the sound in the rafters
and when you're alone
and you're waitin for time
and you sit by the phone
and get called by a mime
and you yell and you scream
and they mash on the phone
and you call their ass back
but there's no body home
i don't know what yet
but why the fuck not?
i don't understand...
so i pour me a shot...
drain me a bottle
and eat me a worm...
tequila'd invertabrit
to drunk to squirm...
and nobody cares...
when i sit and i moan...
so i light myself up...
and i burn to the bone...
walk down the road...
forget what i've shown...
nobody knows...
the things that have grown...
i sit and i drink
and i drink and i sit
and it don't matter now
so why sing bout it?

hmmm... so i been sad lately... as i guess you probably know if you've read this recently... and if you didn't notice that then i guess that's cool too... but, meh... i suppose it doesn't really matter... anyway... :) now i'm happy again... maybe i shouldn't be, but i'm not sure so i'll go with happy for now... :) *smiles...*

when you rush, and you see
there is nothin, for me
but you want, to be free
so you try, just to be
but the things, that you know
wont let you, the fuck go
and you freak, cause your low
so you try, but you blow
and the time, that you wait
realize, it's too late
but, fuck, it was great
so ya try, just to wait
'cause you know, it's still there
and you want, to be fair
and not hurt, everywhere
so you try, to just care
and it works, so its done
and you stress, that its won
and you smile, it aint gone
try to be, number one
no more stress, no more hurt
pick yourself, from the dirt
don't you see, on your shirt
all blood stained, from past hurt
and it was, nothin more
than the past, hauntin your
dreams that, you hold dear
but you smile, 'cause its clear
that you won, that its thru
you're in love, and its true
and you know, the she who
you love so, love you too
so you wait, and you try
and you sit, and don't cry
'cause its done, cheeks are dry
no more hurt, wonder why?
did you know? the whole time
in your head? was there shine
when you look, upon mine
all my love, and its fine
so i sit, and i play
and its great, so i say
that my love, made my day
and she did, and i stay

I Don't Know What To Do Next...

i don't know what to do next...
i don't think you care no more...
i don't know what to do next...
nothing's like it was before...
i don't know what to do next...
can you feel my pain inside?
i don't know what to do next...
maybe it should be denied...
i don't know what to do next...
everything is changing now...
i don't know what to do next...
not like you care anyhow...
i don't know what to do next...
something inside must have broke...
i don't know what to do next...
you just think this is some joke...
i don't know what to do next...
tthings are different than they were...
i don't know what to do next...
all my love is in a blur...
i don't know what to do next...
did i love you? or a lie?
i don't know what to do next...
you still haven't said goodbye...
i don't know what to do next...
i want you back, i know i do...
i don't know what to do next...
maybe that is my lose screw...
i don't know what to do next...
kinda crazy, must admit...
i don't know what to do next...
you don't seem to give a shit...
i don't know what to do next...
help me find it, help me reach!
i don't know what to do next...
in my heart there is a breach...
i don't know what to do next...
do you love me? do you care?
i don't know what to do next...
is there anything but despair?
i don't know what to do next...
can you hear my constant cry?
i don't know what to do next...
why can't i just let it die...
i don't know what to do next...
you said you love me, we're one, not two...
i don't know what to do next...
betrayed my trust, i believed you...
i don't know what to do next...
maybe something hidden there...
i don't know what to do next...
is it over? do you care?
i don't know what to do next...
did you love me the way i love you?
i don't know what to do next...
does it matter that i do?
i don't know what to do next...
maybe nothing, that's a start...
i don't know what to do next...
fuck it - i don't know - i depart...

i wrote this a while back... was ... april 20th this year... i didn't post it here beacuse i felt that it wasn't entirely appropriate for this particular site... but, why the hell not... anyway... this is something i wrote when playing a vampire game if you're interested... want to play too? http://quiz.ravenblack.net/blood.pl?biter=Leprichaun will get ya there... 'n' i'll have bitten ya... if you want any info about it, contact me on msn messenger at kain_mcbride@hotmail.com for information... thanks... :)

The Thirst...

i sit and wait,
my thirst unquenched;
i grabbed her neck,
her shirt now drenched;
i lick her flesh,
i drain her blood;
i hold her tight,
i drink the flood;
she's lifeless now,
sort of like me;
i hold her still,
how can this be?
i want to wait,
i want to stop;
i want a drink,
i let her drop;
i look at her,
she looks at me;
our vision shared,
our ecstacy...
i turn around,
she is still there...
her vision stuck,
inside my glare...

Sometimes...

sometimes there are things
things that can't be seen
sometimes all those things
seem to be so mean
sometimes in the rain
all the things that hide
sometimes feel your pain
but it's still denied
sometimes when alone
all you feel is sorrow
sometimes by the phone
waiting until the morrow
sometimes everything
seems to be for not
sometimes it would seem
memories are forgot
sometimes time well spent
is time that's gone for good
sometimes this event
hurts you and it should
sometimes you're alone
alone but not forgot
sometimes when you roam
you realize you're not
sometimes when you see
see the things inside
sometimes what you see
can make you turn and hide
sometimes finding out
finding out what's wrong
sometimes on the rout
you lose it so it's gone

Dying...

Dying...
a little every day...
Dying...
more and more each way...
Dying...
seems faster now...
Dying...
i don't now why or how...
Dying...
Watching myself rot...
Dying...
Damn i hate this thought...
Dying...
What the fuck is wrong!
Dying...
WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!
Dying...
I don't think you care...
Dying...
You're not anywhere...
Dying...
Living aint the same...
Dying...
What a fucking shame...
Dying...
How to make it stop...
Dying...
Trying to stay on top...
Dying...
Drowning in the sea...
Dying...
Won't you please help me?
Dying...
Can you feel my pain?
Dying...
Do you think i'm sane?
Dying...
I have felt the wrath...
Dying...
I have walked the path...
Dying...
Do you know what's wrong?
Dying...
All the pain so strong...
Dying...
What the hell is this?
Dying...
JUST ONE FUCKING WISH!
Dying...
Do you feel my hate?
Dying...
Maybe it's too late...
Dying...
i don't know no more...
Dying...
Life is such a bore...
Dying...
Sometimes when it's dark...
Dying...
Visions of the park...
Dying...
Dangling in a tree...
Dying...
Bleeding there is he...
Dying...
Watching earth below...
Dying...
Watching all life go...
Dying...
Everything is gone...
Dying...
So i end, so long...

all the important things in life keep us going...
whenever you find something important...
something you love and want to keep
something you want to hold onto forever...
grip it tight... don't let it go...
sometimes you find perfection...
sometimes you find someone who fits perfectly...
sometimes life seems like a fairy tale...
always looking forward to the happy ending...
you fall in love with someone...
all their strengths blind you of their weaknesses
you begin to love their essence and need their presence...
and with them... you grow a little inside...
i loved a girl recently...
i loved her very much...
what a beautiful story she made...
all the important things in life are fake...
whenever you find something...
something you love and want to keep...
something you want to hold onto forever...
let it go... there's no point... it's just a lie...
the only perfect things in life are lies...
the only time you find something that really fits...
it's a lie... it's just another story with a happy plot...
the ending is always the same...
each time it happens, you get a little more prepared for it...
each time it happens, you let your guard down...
each time it happens... you know that it's right this time...
and each time it happens... you die a little more inside...
i thought i loved a girl recently...
i thought i loved her very much...
what a terrible lie that was...

i realize what i've done
i don't think i can let you go
in my mind
i don't know what to do now
it was all so clear
its all gone
washed away
i don't know what to do now
i found it but don't want to go through
but i can't let you go
in my head
i hate what i have become
what do you say to someone
who you love more than words can say
when you know how it ends?
what do you do
when you've thrown away everything that means anything to you
and you don't know why
when everything falls in on itself
and all you can hear inside your head
is the echo of tears
that aren't falling
but are burning away at the inside of your eye lids
what is left
when your eyes feel like they're going to pop
and all you know is that you have betrayed the one who you love
the one you promised you would never betray
i don't know what to do now
i can apologize to you forever
but it will never make it better
and i can't let you go
in my mind
what can i do now
do you hate what i have become
do you hate me the way i hate me
something needs to change
i need to fix it
i don't know how to cut myself out of the picture
without hurting anyone
i know that you are busy
so i don't expect an answer from you
i know that you probably don't want to talk to me
i expect you to hate me the way i hate me
everything happens the way it's suppose to
i don't understand what is suppose to come of this
i don't understand what this is for
it hurts so much inside
so different than before
i want to end it
to make it all go away
but i promised i wouldn't
so i can't
it would hurt too many people i care about
i keep dyeing in my head
something keeps happening to me
i don't know what yet
it's like a ghost image
i keep seeing tequila
it's dark
i'm holding the tequila
drinking
standing
i don't' know what's happening
there are people but i can't focus on anyone
it's like a party outside
i don't know what's happening
i shouldn't be there
i don't know how to stop it
i know when this is
i just don't know what's happening
i hate myself for losing you
you completed me
i hate myself for the things that i said
it needs to change
if i change it though
we will never speak again
i have to figure out how to fix it
its over
i broke it
there is only one way i can fix it without hurting anyone
and i don't know how to make it work
i love you
i failed you
i betrayed you